Blobberooski

At 5:18 this morning I got a comment from Twisty Widgits. Would someone please pull me down from cloud nine so I can continue with my day?

Anyhoo, You must all be told this: There WILL be an instructional blob on the morning of Dec. 25. For security reasons, nothing more can be added or explained at this time. Barb & Dean and Mandy & Mike made a huge portion of our whole Christmas yesterday. What a great season we are all having!

I've been having fun with "compulsive behaviors" on my blobs, but in reality, I do have 'em. I was recently reminded of one of my serious ones from out of the past by a nameless person who now suffers from this same disorder. (Well, this guy has a name, mind you, but...) This condition may not seem important to you, dear reader, but it is truly maddening, life-disrupting and even painful to the victim.

If you have no obsessions or compulsions, you may consider skipping the remainder of this exciting, fast moving blobbo. For you others, the subject for today is: nail biting! Yeah! Nail biting. Let's get to it!!!

I "Chewed" for thirty five years or more from my early teens to my late forties. My nails permanently receded a full quarter-inch over the decades because of being constantly bitten into the quick. (Bloody stumps! Pain!EEuuww) They are now unsightly because of their shortness, but they are perfectly sightly in their evenness. I tried many cures, but the one that flat-out worked for me is now unfolding for you. It's value will be all up to you, but please let me know if my plan is a boon or a bust.

I read an article by a woman (psychologist?) a couple of years back telling people how to stop biting. She said, "surround yourself with nail files. Have one on hand at all times!" Though her article contained other hints also, I was firmly convinced that she had never been a biter herself. She seemed to know nothing of the degree of a biter's impulsive, driven need to conquer demons; or of the nervous energy that a person puts into his habit. Her method was merely to substitute one conpulsion for another. A person in this situation would revert back to biting if A) a file were suddenly unavailable, or B) the nails got too long for the file to be effective. Plus he/she would be constantly filing, filing, filing.

Here 'tis. Get a good nail clipper and put it in your bathroom, along with an emery-board file. (No metal file.) These will be your primary tools and should do 100% of your manicuring. Get a clipper for "just in case" and keep it at work along with a file. If you travel, get one of each for your luggage. You might also keep a file in your car for extreme emergencies. NEVER use any of these except in case of a hangnail or unexpected rough edge that seems to bother you.

Remember, the reason most people bite, and I number myself in this group, is because of an endless quest for perfection. Any ragged edge is a cause for madness. I mean, Edgar Allen Poe MADNESS! Well, folks, biting cannot bring about this perfection. Human teeth cannot achieve the excellent edge of a stainless steel blade. A clipper, if you will.

Okay, back to the plan. Choose one hour of the week for manicuring. (I always chose Saturday mornings.) Clip the nails TO but not INTO the quick. Clip as deeply as you normally BITE. This is important . Give yourself nothing to bite! After you have clipped as deeply and cleanly as possible, take the file and file each nail To showtime-perfection. Smooth. Silky. Liveable. Never deviate more than one day from this timeframe. During the week, use your thumbs from time to time to feel all of your nails, and your index finger to feel your thumbs. Am I going too fast? If a problem appears correct it on the spot. Don't wait for a "convenient" time to clean it up or you will be tempted to gnaw at it.

I have been "free" of this compulsion for about twenty years, now. It feels good. Even now, I have a momentary crisis if I get a hangnail or a rough spot during a moment when help is not available. I do not call 911. I tough it out. I'm so manly.

Caution: The more progress you make in this area, the more danger you will face in falling for another compulsion. My current obsession seems to be in chasing all over Northern Utah looking for greenies. Some compulsions can be interrupted and even cured with the loud verbal command: "STOP IT." Please comment. I go now.
P.S. If you are constantly using your nails to "even-up" your cuticles, consider this normal. I go now.
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