Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Went to the dentist today. Didn't have a good experience. Told the dentist and his seven dwarfs about the greenies. Casually mentioned that I could safely divulge the nature of da greens. Said, however, that they'd have to kill me if I did. They weren't impressed. They were offended. And they tried to kill me. They tried laughing gas. They found that lol gas was not the same as truth serum. I told them nothing. I screamed with laughter, hahahahahaha, and then everything went black. When I awoke I knew that I was in deep trouble. The elves were attacking me with drills. They pretended to reassure me by saying "this is not a drill!" And it wasn't. It was fer real. Ironically, it was not a drill, but it WAS a drill. Go figure. Seven whirring, whining drills. They were trying to KILL me. I thought, "this whole greenie nonsense has gotten out of hand."

I quickly said, "This whole greenie nonsense has gotten out of hand." I tendered a recapitulation. "All right, all right, here is the straight story...." But all was lost. They had decided, (while I was asleep) that killing me would be more fun than learning the verdant truth. With jaded eyes they came after me. I thought quickly. What will stop the drill faster than anything else? Yeah! I've got it! Slobber. They always stop the drill and stick that vacuum wand into the mouth to capture slobber. Fortunately, I had popped a green tic tac into my mouth to keep from offending anyone. "Eeuuww", they shrieked. "Green slobber."

I raced for the door. But they cornered me. Those girls are so cute. I said, "if I bring green cookies, will you let me go?" So yer ma spent the day making green cookies and now I must deliver them. After all, I need to feel safe next time I go into that scary place. I go now.


Redhoodoos said...

Greenie! Greenie! Greenie! 2 days to the Greenie!

I go now too.

B-dawg said...

$20 says it's a green version of the "Happy Holidogs" shirt. I go now.

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