The time has arrived for my Halloween blob. It is all about dreams and nightmares. OR IS IT? HAhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... There will be three sequences. Are they true, or are they false? Heh heh. Could they be half-dreams, concocted in the mind of a retired ol' feller with too much thinkin' time on his hands? Snurk snurk.
1) I did a 10 mile hike on a hot summer day. I was exhausted, hot and sweaty. Finally, I was less than one mile from home. I wasn't sure I could finish. Suddenly a big ol' Suburban pulled up beside me. It was a friend; one whom shall remain nameless. He yelled ''hello" and offered me a ride. My heart sank. His vehicle was loaded beyond capacity. There must have been 10 or 15 people in there. Oh, did I mention that I also felt kinda, uh, smelly? I declined his offer. "Jump in. We'll make room!". I watched as all those people scrunched, wiggled, and rearranged. I climbed into a space about half my size. "Okay. I'm in!" He drove through the twisting, winding streets until we were home. HIS home. I thanked him and set out for my home.... which was MORE than one mile away.
2) I was a contestant on "Jeopardy." In Final Jeopardy, Alex gave the question (answer). "What famous building was the only one where people could drill a hole in an outside wall, pound a peg into the hole and hang a drinking cup on the peg?" Well, of course, we all missed it. Alex gave the answer (question). "It was the White house", he declared with a condescending grin. As I awakened, I wondwred if this was just for the residents or for all people who visited. That could be millions of cups. But what did it matter if this was JUST a dream? I wondered if I had really been on Jeopardy or if I had actually seen this question, concerning the earliest days of the White House, long before modern plumbing.
3) I accidentally spilled a liquid dollar bill.
Nnnighhhtmaaarre! The answer is in code. Aatbbhcceddy eewffeggrhhe iiajjlkkl lldmmrnneooappmqqs. Happy Halloween!!!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Shirts
Boy, ya lose one little scrap of paper and your blobbin' days are over. At least for awhile. But, Jodi, when she isn't STEPPING on STITCH, seems to get me going in a forward motion again. I managed to comment on Barbara's blog. Surprazz, surprazz. When we were at the rappelling event one family made sure that the announcer mentioned that their guy was a MARINE. We all smiled. Ben would never let himself be so flagrently bragged on.
I mentioned in a response to Barb's blog that I only have two shirts. I lied. I have over 40 shirts. Why so many, you might ask. It's a long story and you can stop reading right here if you like. GET BACK HERE! It happened like this. I had a normal number of shirts. But the Penneys in the Cottonwoos Mall was selling everything, even the shelves. I bought a royal blue shirt at half price because I was headed for a BYU game. ROYAL blue is the TRUE Cougar blue! Ya got that?
The clothing was selling out like Carlos Boozer has been selling out the Jazz. Inexplicably, everything in Penneys pretty much sold out except the men's shirts. They dropped to 60% off. I bought a couple more. Seventy percent off. This was kinda fun, considering that we live only 2 blocks away. Eighty percent off. Wheeeee! On the tragic day when Penneys was closing that store forever, every item in the joint was selling for 90%off plus 15%off that total. Hmmm. 90% off a $40 dollar shirt equals $4.00. 15 off that is 60 cents. Beautiful $40 shirts for $3.40? Oh, yeah. They were all long sleeve with winter coming on. A huge assortment in my size. OH, YEAH.
We got there as the doors were opening. I started draping shirts over my left arm so my right hand would be free for some fast work. I piled up so many shirts that I could barely see over the pile. My arm was beginning to hurt. All things in moderation, they say. Heh heh. By this time a large crowd had gathered, and I knew I was done. I headed for the checkstand.
Suddenly, I was told to leave the store. Maybe moderation is a good standard after all. Not only was I told to leave the store, but to never come back. Well, yeah, that's easy to say on the day the store is closing forever. Was it the clerk telling me this? The manager? No, it was my wife. Maudeen had only found one pathetic little shirt. I told her how very sorry I was as I shoved past her to the land-o-glory. The checkstand.
All apologies if this sounds like a ruler event.
I mentioned in a response to Barb's blog that I only have two shirts. I lied. I have over 40 shirts. Why so many, you might ask. It's a long story and you can stop reading right here if you like. GET BACK HERE! It happened like this. I had a normal number of shirts. But the Penneys in the Cottonwoos Mall was selling everything, even the shelves. I bought a royal blue shirt at half price because I was headed for a BYU game. ROYAL blue is the TRUE Cougar blue! Ya got that?
The clothing was selling out like Carlos Boozer has been selling out the Jazz. Inexplicably, everything in Penneys pretty much sold out except the men's shirts. They dropped to 60% off. I bought a couple more. Seventy percent off. This was kinda fun, considering that we live only 2 blocks away. Eighty percent off. Wheeeee! On the tragic day when Penneys was closing that store forever, every item in the joint was selling for 90%off plus 15%off that total. Hmmm. 90% off a $40 dollar shirt equals $4.00. 15 off that is 60 cents. Beautiful $40 shirts for $3.40? Oh, yeah. They were all long sleeve with winter coming on. A huge assortment in my size. OH, YEAH.
We got there as the doors were opening. I started draping shirts over my left arm so my right hand would be free for some fast work. I piled up so many shirts that I could barely see over the pile. My arm was beginning to hurt. All things in moderation, they say. Heh heh. By this time a large crowd had gathered, and I knew I was done. I headed for the checkstand.
Suddenly, I was told to leave the store. Maybe moderation is a good standard after all. Not only was I told to leave the store, but to never come back. Well, yeah, that's easy to say on the day the store is closing forever. Was it the clerk telling me this? The manager? No, it was my wife. Maudeen had only found one pathetic little shirt. I told her how very sorry I was as I shoved past her to the land-o-glory. The checkstand.
All apologies if this sounds like a ruler event.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Ben's Adventure
Beware of the blob, it creeps and leaps, and slides and glides across the floor; right through the door, and all AROUND the wall... Help! The blob is back. If only for a moment. Gotta report on Ben Hevelone's adventure.
Ben's employer, ITT, is a huge supporter of Special Olympics. So they sponsor a ho-bunch of their employees (at a thousand dollar donation each) to drop 240 feet off the roof of the American Towers Hotel. They rappel down the northwest corner. The big boss even went down. The event was held on Friday, Aug 21.
Anyone who wanted to could go down, if they could find a sponsor or cough up the moola. I was concerned about finding a shady spot and a chair, so I took a small bucket and a pillow. I was not gonna stand for 1.5 hours! Well, when I got there I found a beautiful plaza with lovely seats near the restaurant. They had raspberry water and pineapple water for everyone to drink. It was really a well planned event, But I felt a bit like Jed Clampett arriving in Beverly Hills.
One lady kept glancing at this older fellow with a bucket and a pillow. Finally, she said, "Skyler, go say 'hi' to grandpa." It was SHELLY! Barb, Dean and the little mutton bustin' buckaroo soon arrived. The people were a-droppin' off the roof. Ben was scheduled for 1:30 but he went down at about 1:20. Very prompt.
Some of Utah's most famous dignitaries were sailing off that roof. Mayor Ralph Becker, the director of Special Olympics, at least one auto dealer and many others. I felt so fortunate to find a parking spot less than one block away. In the hot sun, of course. But I had no change. Very serious. I asked a lady if she had change for a dollar. She did not. I asked her if she had ANY change. She found a quarter and I gave her my dollar. That bought me some time. I went racing up the street looking for change. I eventually put 8 quarters in the meter and I was off to the event.
The participants were constantly being yelled at by their relatives to turn around for photo purposes. Many could not or would not turn around. They were frozen with their faces against the wall, determined to be alive at the landing. A very few of them looked down from the roof and said "huh uh. I ain't doin' this." Ben got turned around really well during his descent and Shelly and Barb got some great pictures. Go to "Cabin Fever" soon, (but not yet) for some great shots. You will also see Eli gettin' bucked off a huge, dangerous uh........... sheep. Also check Q-tips for more cute kids.
When Ben got down, he rushed into the dressing room where all the rappellers had their stuff stored (in alphabetical order). He grabbed a B H bag and came out to meet with us. As we were congratulating him, Barb and Shelly were going through his bag, looking for good stuff. (Maybe some coupons and gift certificates and things.) They soon discovered that this WAS NOT Ben's bag. He had grabbed the wrong one. He went racing back inside, hoping to get the exchange made before the other B H started calling 911. Fortunately, the guy was droppin' from the sky and knew nothing about it. Oh, yeah, who was this mysterious "other" B H? It was Bob Harmon, the president of Harmon Foods.
Well, the party soon broke up. Barb said, "Dad, can we take you to your car?" I said "why, where are you parked? She said, "under the hotel, of course. The parking is free!"
Jed Clampett slided and glided up the boiling hot sidewalk to his car.
Ben's employer, ITT, is a huge supporter of Special Olympics. So they sponsor a ho-bunch of their employees (at a thousand dollar donation each) to drop 240 feet off the roof of the American Towers Hotel. They rappel down the northwest corner. The big boss even went down. The event was held on Friday, Aug 21.
Anyone who wanted to could go down, if they could find a sponsor or cough up the moola. I was concerned about finding a shady spot and a chair, so I took a small bucket and a pillow. I was not gonna stand for 1.5 hours! Well, when I got there I found a beautiful plaza with lovely seats near the restaurant. They had raspberry water and pineapple water for everyone to drink. It was really a well planned event, But I felt a bit like Jed Clampett arriving in Beverly Hills.
One lady kept glancing at this older fellow with a bucket and a pillow. Finally, she said, "Skyler, go say 'hi' to grandpa." It was SHELLY! Barb, Dean and the little mutton bustin' buckaroo soon arrived. The people were a-droppin' off the roof. Ben was scheduled for 1:30 but he went down at about 1:20. Very prompt.
Some of Utah's most famous dignitaries were sailing off that roof. Mayor Ralph Becker, the director of Special Olympics, at least one auto dealer and many others. I felt so fortunate to find a parking spot less than one block away. In the hot sun, of course. But I had no change. Very serious. I asked a lady if she had change for a dollar. She did not. I asked her if she had ANY change. She found a quarter and I gave her my dollar. That bought me some time. I went racing up the street looking for change. I eventually put 8 quarters in the meter and I was off to the event.
The participants were constantly being yelled at by their relatives to turn around for photo purposes. Many could not or would not turn around. They were frozen with their faces against the wall, determined to be alive at the landing. A very few of them looked down from the roof and said "huh uh. I ain't doin' this." Ben got turned around really well during his descent and Shelly and Barb got some great pictures. Go to "Cabin Fever" soon, (but not yet) for some great shots. You will also see Eli gettin' bucked off a huge, dangerous uh........... sheep. Also check Q-tips for more cute kids.
When Ben got down, he rushed into the dressing room where all the rappellers had their stuff stored (in alphabetical order). He grabbed a B H bag and came out to meet with us. As we were congratulating him, Barb and Shelly were going through his bag, looking for good stuff. (Maybe some coupons and gift certificates and things.) They soon discovered that this WAS NOT Ben's bag. He had grabbed the wrong one. He went racing back inside, hoping to get the exchange made before the other B H started calling 911. Fortunately, the guy was droppin' from the sky and knew nothing about it. Oh, yeah, who was this mysterious "other" B H? It was Bob Harmon, the president of Harmon Foods.
Well, the party soon broke up. Barb said, "Dad, can we take you to your car?" I said "why, where are you parked? She said, "under the hotel, of course. The parking is free!"
Jed Clampett slided and glided up the boiling hot sidewalk to his car.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Happy b-day
Happy birthday, Tweetie! It was on March 25, 1981. Yer grandmum and yer mum left for the doctor's office at about 9:00 a.m. for the doctor's office for a routine late-pregnancy exam. The doctor told Barb that she was already in labor and to get to the hospital immediately.
The wind was blowing like crazy that day. Grandma drove as fast as possible toward Cottonwood Hospital. They came to a great big dead end street. They hurriedly searched for a different route. G'ma was as nervous as a flea, and yer ma was trying to settle her down. Soon after they arrived, little Amanda Amber Mortensen was born. Our very first grandchild.
That evening we traveled back out to the hospital to see our new prize. Yer pa was watching "The Greatest American Hero on t.v. Ken, Jodi and Brian were there. You were the star of the production! The cutest bundle ever. Love, Grandma and Grandpa....
The wind was blowing like crazy that day. Grandma drove as fast as possible toward Cottonwood Hospital. They came to a great big dead end street. They hurriedly searched for a different route. G'ma was as nervous as a flea, and yer ma was trying to settle her down. Soon after they arrived, little Amanda Amber Mortensen was born. Our very first grandchild.
That evening we traveled back out to the hospital to see our new prize. Yer pa was watching "The Greatest American Hero on t.v. Ken, Jodi and Brian were there. You were the star of the production! The cutest bundle ever. Love, Grandma and Grandpa....
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Hiking City Creek
I have meant to do this blob ever since I have been blobbin. Barbara's blog about hiking gets me going. Jodi and Todd and the younguns hike when they are not running. Jodi and Brian are gearing up for Bryce Canyon in July. So I go now. Into 1993 or 1994.
I was restless one Saturday morning. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I decided to hike who knows where. I parked the car at the U of U and set out. It looked like rain so I fished an umbrella out of the trunk. I walked through the cemetery. It started to rain, all right. I walked to City Creek Canyon. Does this sound like a parallel (but opposite season) to Barb's blog? I was in pretty good shape then. I could not turn back. Up the canyon I went. The rain turned to sleet. Like most unprepared hikers, I kept a'goin'. Somewhere in my brain I knew I would have to do it all in reverse. (Not walking backward,but...) The rain turned to sleet. It was coming down sideways. Dumb. But I was having fun, dang it! Two or three joggers came hurrying down the hill. Two woman joggers passed me going up the hill.
That gave me courage. If they could run it I could walk it. The sleet turned to snow, still coming straight in from the north. I hiked all the way to the water treatment plant and a bit beyond. The gal in a bright green outfit came running back down. I finally knew that I had done enough. The snow was beginning to pile up. Down the hill I went, telling myself that I was having fun! I kept looking over my shoulder for the smaller gal in a gray and black jogging suit. I was tiring greatly by the time I reached the mouth of the canyon.
I decided to stop and wait a bit to make sure she got out safely. I knew some things and I "fer sure" didn't know some things. She was definitely alone up that creek. If she had fallen on the icy pavement she was very much alone "up the creek". A broken hip? A sprained knee? A head injury? On the other hand, there were many side trails up the side of the canyon and over toward the state capitol building. A simple manuever on a dry day, but in this weather the likelihood seemed remote that she went there. Cell phones were at least 5 years out.
Would her family become concerned and come straight to the canyon, see her car and go find her? Was she alone in every way with no one mounting a search? Was she sitting in front of a warm fire at this moment? I waited a long time. She could not have run that far up the canyon. Not in this weather. My heart sank. I could not leave her up there and read about her in the next morning's Desnews. I certainly couldn't walk into town and give the cops a cockamamie story of a missing person.
I started up the hill. I walked the better part of a mile. Suddenly, she rounded the bend, running at the same expert pace I had seen before. I turned and started back down. She gave me the strangest look as she ran by me. She recognized my umbrella and understood my instant turnabout. "You are a serious runner," I said. She stopped and walked with me. "Saturdays are my only day to escape my crazy life. I run no matter what." She never acknowledged that I was some sort of wacky guardian angel.. She never thanked me for anything. We chatted aimlessly all the way to her car. She asked me if she could take me anywhere.
I could not allow her to try driving up the hill to the U. of U. I declined. I cleaned her windows as she started her auto. I knew one more thing. I knew that she knew. I would have never left her up there alone. When I got to the city streets I called home. Jodi wanted to come and get me. I couldn't let her go out in that mess. I don't remember ever seeing a bus.
I was a ward Sunday School president at the time. The next morning my phone rang. It was my next door neighbor, a SS teacher. He said, "I'm not going out in this! Bye." I had no time to tell him I had just done fourteen miles "in this". For fun.
I was restless one Saturday morning. It was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. I decided to hike who knows where. I parked the car at the U of U and set out. It looked like rain so I fished an umbrella out of the trunk. I walked through the cemetery. It started to rain, all right. I walked to City Creek Canyon. Does this sound like a parallel (but opposite season) to Barb's blog? I was in pretty good shape then. I could not turn back. Up the canyon I went. The rain turned to sleet. Like most unprepared hikers, I kept a'goin'. Somewhere in my brain I knew I would have to do it all in reverse. (Not walking backward,but...) The rain turned to sleet. It was coming down sideways. Dumb. But I was having fun, dang it! Two or three joggers came hurrying down the hill. Two woman joggers passed me going up the hill.
That gave me courage. If they could run it I could walk it. The sleet turned to snow, still coming straight in from the north. I hiked all the way to the water treatment plant and a bit beyond. The gal in a bright green outfit came running back down. I finally knew that I had done enough. The snow was beginning to pile up. Down the hill I went, telling myself that I was having fun! I kept looking over my shoulder for the smaller gal in a gray and black jogging suit. I was tiring greatly by the time I reached the mouth of the canyon.
I decided to stop and wait a bit to make sure she got out safely. I knew some things and I "fer sure" didn't know some things. She was definitely alone up that creek. If she had fallen on the icy pavement she was very much alone "up the creek". A broken hip? A sprained knee? A head injury? On the other hand, there were many side trails up the side of the canyon and over toward the state capitol building. A simple manuever on a dry day, but in this weather the likelihood seemed remote that she went there. Cell phones were at least 5 years out.
Would her family become concerned and come straight to the canyon, see her car and go find her? Was she alone in every way with no one mounting a search? Was she sitting in front of a warm fire at this moment? I waited a long time. She could not have run that far up the canyon. Not in this weather. My heart sank. I could not leave her up there and read about her in the next morning's Desnews. I certainly couldn't walk into town and give the cops a cockamamie story of a missing person.
I started up the hill. I walked the better part of a mile. Suddenly, she rounded the bend, running at the same expert pace I had seen before. I turned and started back down. She gave me the strangest look as she ran by me. She recognized my umbrella and understood my instant turnabout. "You are a serious runner," I said. She stopped and walked with me. "Saturdays are my only day to escape my crazy life. I run no matter what." She never acknowledged that I was some sort of wacky guardian angel.. She never thanked me for anything. We chatted aimlessly all the way to her car. She asked me if she could take me anywhere.
I could not allow her to try driving up the hill to the U. of U. I declined. I cleaned her windows as she started her auto. I knew one more thing. I knew that she knew. I would have never left her up there alone. When I got to the city streets I called home. Jodi wanted to come and get me. I couldn't let her go out in that mess. I don't remember ever seeing a bus.
I was a ward Sunday School president at the time. The next morning my phone rang. It was my next door neighbor, a SS teacher. He said, "I'm not going out in this! Bye." I had no time to tell him I had just done fourteen miles "in this". For fun.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Commenting
I cannot for the life of me get my comments through the "fog". I tried to comment on Amanda's blog. Hey! That rhymes!. Anyhoo, no, I didn't think too much of the music video. I liked the story of Linnie Luuu and the tooth. My dad always used a pair of rusty pliars on me. Well, they weren't rusty. And he was always careful to keep me smiling. I was proud to have him pull my teeth. The pliars were actually hooked for easy access. Shudder. How well I remember. I don't even try to comment on Barbara's blog. I think her blog is reeeeally difficult to connect my comments with. Maybe the Burton-Hevelone internet connection winds through northern Canada.
Barb, yer mum and I remember the photo of you with the canteen. Yer ma choked up a bit when she saw it. That whole blog was very touching. I think Ideeho actually is somewhere in northern Canada. There is a highway from Vernal to Montpelier. So, maybe it won't be an awful drive. You and Wendy need to stay in close touch...d'Pa
Barb, yer mum and I remember the photo of you with the canteen. Yer ma choked up a bit when she saw it. That whole blog was very touching. I think Ideeho actually is somewhere in northern Canada. There is a highway from Vernal to Montpelier. So, maybe it won't be an awful drive. You and Wendy need to stay in close touch...d'Pa
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Oapmeal
Have you ever noticed that most people say oapmeal instead of oatmeal? Including myself? I think it may be because we are already closing our mouth in preparation of voicing the "m". This causes the "t" to be blocked out. It is impossible to say "t" with your mouth closed. A perfectly unintended "p" creeps in without our knowledge. It happens thousands of times for each of us unless we just don't like oatmeal and never utter the word. Were we to perfectly enunciate the word "oatmeal", it would roll off our tongue (or tongues, collectively) sounding unnatural. Say " oatmeal" out loud ten times. Pay paticcalar attention to the "t". Doesn't that sound weird? Forget 10 times. Three times will suffice. OaTmeal. OaTmeal. OaTmeal. Now say "oapmeal " once. Your life is now back to normal.
What's all this commotion about Facebooking? It seems to be replacing blogging, and blogging has only been around for a few months, at least in my world. A Facebook entry takes only a few seconds. Bloggers (and especially blobbers) get long winded and fill a lot of space. The world is moving too fast for us old crows.
The Deseret News, on March 2, Analyzed Facebooking. 175 million users. Fastest growing group of users: 30 and older. 120 friends per average user. 3 billion minutes per day. I don't know if that's worldwide or just Maudeen. She is on that thing endlessly, and one month ago she didn't even know what Facebook is. She called it "Faceplate". The site was originally started among college students, but has now grown to include people of all ages. Addictive? Yup. Dangerous? Not much evidence. I cannot stop blobbing. Especially when I'm eating Pizza. I go now.
What's all this commotion about Facebooking? It seems to be replacing blogging, and blogging has only been around for a few months, at least in my world. A Facebook entry takes only a few seconds. Bloggers (and especially blobbers) get long winded and fill a lot of space. The world is moving too fast for us old crows.
The Deseret News, on March 2, Analyzed Facebooking. 175 million users. Fastest growing group of users: 30 and older. 120 friends per average user. 3 billion minutes per day. I don't know if that's worldwide or just Maudeen. She is on that thing endlessly, and one month ago she didn't even know what Facebook is. She called it "Faceplate". The site was originally started among college students, but has now grown to include people of all ages. Addictive? Yup. Dangerous? Not much evidence. I cannot stop blobbing. Especially when I'm eating Pizza. I go now.
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