Wednesday, December 3, 2014


A person must sometimes move quickly to hold people's attention. This can be tricky when everyone is talking a mile a minute. So, I found myself having to hurry through a "cute anecdote" on Thanksgiving day. I was talking about a pair of criminals, trying to describe them. Things were going fairly well, but I noticed Ken's and Brian's eyes were beginning to drift. I stepped up my delivery. When a person gets to a critical moment in a delivery he must be ready with an entertaining word or phrase. In sudden panic, I realized that "dirtbags" or "slimeballs" were not sufficient. My moment of truth was not a moment at all. It was my INSTANT of truth. I called them a pair of bloated slopheads. Brian and Ken almost fell on the floor with laughter. The others in the room were not that cruel to me, but they  knew full well what was going on. "BLOATED SLOPHEADS?"  "BLOATED SLOPHEADS?" The boys were apoplectic.Their reaction to my cute story took a lot more time than the story did. I tried to explain that an "instant" is a very short time. And, yes, I had paniced. I said that those guys were not bloated anyway. Druggies and drunks are often very thin because they don't eat well. This revelation brought on another wave of screaming (and vicious) laughter. The poor li'l fellers were wiping tears from their eyes. Ken called me a few days later. He suddenly remembered "slopheads" and it all started up again. He assured me that this one would outlast flagboy, Springville, controlled plane crashes and every other one of my moronic moments. Isn't fame supposed to be FUN? I dunno.