Monday, November 10, 2008

Grateful for Abe and Gel and other stuff

Here are some of the smaller things I am thankful for as we head into the season.

1) Styling gel. I hate styling gel, but I despise windjammer-hair. I consider gel to be the equivalent of swamp slime. Rancid mayonnaise. Guacamole. But, where would we be without it? I would cheerfully shave my head the way Unca George does, but... I'm a pinhead. George has a nice round soccer ball cranium. I have a ridge atop my skull. I'm surprised that it doesn't go all the way down my back like Godzilla. (Another thing to be thankful for.)I have a dickens of a time finding gel with a holding power of "10" for less than $2. But it can be done. Walmart. Lowest shelf. Hidden waaaay behind the kangaroo. Labella's. Soon to be obsolete, I'm afraid. Anything with a holding power of ''9" or lower isn't really gel. More like jel-ly. Strawberry preserves. Karo syrup.You may also want to avoid the really hard stuff. (No, we're not drinkin' it.) My hairdresser/commontator, Shala, uses some concrete/mortar mix. She cuts it, "warshes" it and spikes the bejeebers out of it. If I forget later in the day and touch it I get several bloody puncture wounds.

Some folks lie in their teeth by saying "I love your spikes. Why don't you keep it that way?" I reply, "Uh, my hair grows really fast and after 4 or 5 days I would start looking like Don king." While that is true, my real reason for not spiking is the probable cost of the cool stuff. I don't even ask Shala such dumb questions as "how much?"

2) Abe Lincoln. I'm a "Big Abe" fan. I am so happy that he gave the world the Constipation Emancipation Proclamation. I wonder what "slightly aging" folks did before he came along. For me, about every six weeks or so, he saves me, along with an assist from the "Fleet" company. Enough on that already.

3) I am grateful for everyone in my world who provides me with blogs, facebooks, pictures, e-mails and other e-stuff. I laugh when Grammy, also known as Deenie or Maudeen, calls Facebook "Faceplate". I'm sure she'll get past it.........d'Pa


Redhoodoos said...

Gramps - all I can do is shake my head at your shenanigans and realize that I get my weirdness from you.

Love the post, you hooligan!


B-dawg said...

I have become a fan of Garner Frutis. Or maybe it's Frutis Garner. Actually, it might even be fructis. Any way, you wouldn't be interested as it's nearly $3.